Fading
by Saiya-hime
Summary: Donnie is not like his brothers. Where they are full of energy, his is fading. He is weaker then them due to his prolonged exposure to the mutagen when they were still just turtles. He is faced with the reality that he may never be like his brothers and that they will treat him like a broken tool. He wants to prove that he isn't a burden, that he can be useful to them. DARK THEMES!


It was always like this. Since I was very young and able to understand my fathers words. It was hard to understand why they were so different toward me then with each other, why I was so different to them when we were the same. We are mutants born from the ooze that changed us from four little turtles to the beings we are today. Our master, our father is a great warrior, he unlike us was once human before his exposure. His DNA was combined with that of a rat. This was my family, this was my life...

~TMNT~

"Come on Donnie! It's time ta get up." Raph banged on his door, waiting for some sort of response. When none was received he made his way into the room to retrieve his brother. This was his morning routine, each and everyday since he could remember. His younger brother was special, as their father had told them time and time again. That he was not like them, that he was in need of 'special care'. "Damn it Donnie, if I don't bring yous out for breakfast I..." the bed was bare and untouched. He let out a soft grunt as he slammed the door shut. He knew where to go, where to head to find his brother. Oh he was in so much trouble when he found him.

"Dude! Hurry up or it's gonna get cold!" Mikey called from the kitchen.

Leo stood up from the table. His face expressing concern when he saw only one brother. "He's gone again isn't he?" He asked moving toward him.

Raph gave a grunt as he moved to the large doors that were bound with chains and locked up with a heavy duty lock. They were untouched but they knew better. There brother was too clever for them and it was frustrating. He banged on the door, waiting for the confirmation he needed. Sure enough there was muffled movements inside and a soft curse that followed the braking of glass. Leo gave a sigh and pulled out the key to lock. How he got in no one can say. He refused to tell them, saying it was his right to be there. In all fairness it was, but he would spend too much time in there and not get his proper rest. That was why his lab was kept under lock and key. The doors slid open and in stepped the two eldest.

There was the one of interest, kneeling on the floor cleaning up his broken beaker that held god knows what. "Donnie, yous are in so much trouble!" Raph walked up to him, pulling him up and holding out his hands for the pieces of the beaker. "Its bad enough ya in here ta begin with and now ya cleaning up broken glass! What if it cuts ya?" he took the pieces and disposed of them while the eldest lead him out, lecturing him with the same lines he has heard a thousand times over. Their olive skinned brother just nodded, a small smile on his face as he listened.

They sat at the table and looked down at the breakfast prepared by the youngest of them. Eggs and bacon was cooked for all with a side of toast and a cup of orange juice, all but one that is. For the purple clad turtle, steamed vegetables with a cup of water. Beside it was a small paper cup that he didn't want to look at. "No dessert for you dude!" said the resident chef. His arms crossed at his immediate elder brother. He wasn't very mad at him, just worried.

"Donnie, you know you of all of us need your rest. We don't like doing this to you but we will if you keep disregarding your cond..." Leo didn't like getting upset at him. He was the eldest, the leader of his brothers and the one who was to look after them. Donnie especially.

"I'm sorry..." was all he could say as he moved a piece of broccoli around on his plate. He didn't mean to get caught this time, he had been working late and fell asleep at the keyboard...again.

Raph narrowed his eyes at his immediate younger brother. "Sorry? What if someth'en happened? What is ya went into a coughing fit again and began ta choke?" He picked up the tiny paper cup and looked at it. There were more in there then three weeks ago. It scared him shitless that they had to up his dose again in the last six months. "Here, take 'em."

The olive hand reached out and took the cup before sighing. He swallowed the many colorful pills and took a swig of water. His gaze was still cast down at his plate. The gaze of his brothers weighed so heavily on him. They wanted him to eat, he knew that. Yet, he had no appetite for steamed veggies when bacon smelled so heavenly. 'I'd love to let you have it bro, I really would but...it's too much salt...' Mikey knew better then to give into him, he only made that mistake once. Though, today he needed to eat because it was a special day that happened only twice each week. With that in mind he set to eat his tasteless food and show them he was okay to participate today.

"Taking in consideration that you broke your curfew, I think you are to be dismissed from today's training..." Leo began, stopping when a fork hit the table. Chocolate eyes looked up to him, a pitiful look in his eyes mixed with horror and disappointment.

"Leo...please..." his voice was softer then normal, pleading with him to reconsider. Training was the only thing that he could do with them as a team. It was one of two ways he felt like he was not different from them. He looked to his red clad brother, eyes broken when he saw his stern face. "Raphie..."

God he was such a sucker for his brother. "Aww, let 'em train Leo. Ban him from da lab instead since he was in der." he ate his bacon and broke the yolk in his eggs so he could dip his toast in it. "Ba sides Fearless, training is punishment enough."

"To you maybe." he sighed and looked at Don. He knew how much training meant to him. After all, the olive turtle would talk of little other then what he was going to do at the next session he was allowed to attend. "Fine, but no lab for the rest of the day." he narrowed his eyes, showing his firmness on this matter.

Chocolate eyes lit up. "Oh thank you Leo! I promise I won't go in the lab today!" he smiled brightly before digging in. He was going to need his strength.

Raph growled. "Hey, Donnie-boy tone it down bafore ya start ta have a fit!" he folded his arms and looked at his brother regretfully. He would give anything to see his brother healthy. To see him smiling happily and able to live like they do. He wanted his brother to see the world, to live his dream.

"Donatello, head up and back straight." Splinter moved forward and corrected his Kata. "There, much better." He kept his eyes and ears on his son's heart beat and breathing. It was common for his son to lose out to his condition while training. Should he show any signs of it, he was sent out immediately to rest. The master of ninjitsu moved to another bamboo pole that rose five feet off the ground. His son was doing well while balancing using only one foot on the pole and resting his weight on it. He was proud of how well his son was doing despite his lack of training.

Leo cracked his eyes open for a moment when he heard their master move to his hyper brother. He could see the focus in his sick brother's face. He could see the determination. It made him smile softly. Yes he was stricter then the others when it came to their brother, but someone had to. He snapped his eyes shut when his master turned to look at him.

Splinter knew what Leonardo was doing. Worry was what Leo did best when it came to his brothers, none more so then Donnie. He took a deep breath and turned to his weakest son. "Donatello, move to C-5." A small nod was received as said turtle skillfully moved from one pole to another, never opening his eyes. The exercise was to teach them not to rely on sight alone but to also trust and use their other senses. He smiled as his son came to rest on the right pole before taking a resting position. One foot on the pole, his leg bent with the other resting on it and his hands in his lap waiting. His breathing had picked up, but not outside of Donnie-normal.

The training continued for a few more hours before it was called to an end. Donnie had survived the whole of the training with a prideful smile on his face. He was so worried he couldn't do it, that he couldn't keep up but he had. His heart was racing, beating in his chest and wouldn't stop. It just wouldn't. Panic rose as he thought of what they would do when they found out. It made matters worse for he knew they would lower his training to once a week. Slowly he made his way to his room, collapsing on the bed and holding his chest. 'Deep breaths...' Raph's mentoring was kicking in. 'Remember in through ya nose out through ya mouth. There ya go Donnie-boy.' It took sometime but he calmed down alot. If they knew, they would postpone his trip again. He had waited two years and now it was coming tomorrow night. Nothing was going to stop him now!

Leo paced back and forth as the others were there. He was worried, Donnie was struggling with two days of training and he couldn't help but feel as if it was too soon for this. "What do you think guys? I can't be the only one to notice." he looked from one brother to the other. "Maybe we should push it back, just to be sure."

"Awww, that would kill him! He's been so stoked about joining us." Their orange brother threw his hands up to express his disappointment. "I was totally looking forward to seeing his face bra!"

"The knucklehead has a point. Donnie's been look'en forward ta this for over a year now." The red brother sighed. "Then again I sees what Leo is getten at. If Don isn't feel'en up ta it, then what's the point."

All brothers looked at the ground. Each wishing Donatello was in much better health. It hurt them all that they had to treat him like this, that they had to leave him behind in order to better help him, to better care for him, to better protect him.

"My sons, a word if I may." the old rat walked forward, his eyes all knowing. His sons moved before him, to listen to their father's words. "My sons, as you know your brother is not like you. While your energies are high and thriving..." he turned to Mikey, his energy level enough for two people. "...some more then others, your brother's energy is quite low." He stroked his beard as he looked them over. "You each have made me proud with how well you care for him, how well you try to make him feel like his illness is not seen by you..."

"What are ya getten at masta?"

The rat smiled. Always the concerned one. "I want you to remember that he will struggle greatly tomorrow and it is by no fault of his. He will be with in your caring hands Raphael, your guiding leadership Leonardo, and your considerate attitude Michelangelo. Keep well in mind that he is weaker then you and thus may require more help even if he is too stubborn to ask for it."

Leo put his hands together in a respectful bow. "Hai, sensei. We will look after him with our very lives. I make that promise to you as his eldest brot..." all eyes turned to the sudden noise that came from their brother's room. A noise that all of them knew far too well. "Mikey..." before he could ask the energetic turtle was already on his way to the kitchen.

"I got it Bra, go help Don."

Donatello leaned his back against the wall for support as he tried to silence his coughing fit. He wanted so much for it to stop before his brothers heard and came running in like frantic mothers. "Dang..." he wheezed. His hand covered his mouth again as more choughs erupted from his small frame. Tears welled in his eyes when he saw the door open and his brothers run to his side. Raph began to go through the breathing exercises as Leo soothingly ran his handover his shell. They lowered him to the ground as they waited for Mikey to come. Donnie was leaning on Leo's plastron, as he tried to calm himself down. They would never let him go now, they would push it back again just like last time. This only upset him more, making his coughing much worse.

"Come on Donnie-boy, it'll be alright. Relax..." Raph cooed softly as he rubbed his olive head soothingly. "Shhh, come on relax..."

Mikey made his way in, the saving grace in his hand. "Here you go bra, your inhaler." he placed it to his lips. Once the other breath out all the oxygen he had he pushed it down, letting the medicine flow through as he breath in. They repeated this two more times before things seemed to calm down. Tears streamed down his eyes as he settled down to just quite hiccups. His head hidden away in his brother's warm leaf green neck.

"Donnie, it's okay now. You're fine now, please stop crying..." Leo didn't like that he was. If he kept it up, he would just go right back into it again making the cycle repeat. "What's wrong Otooto-kun?" he asked, his worry starting to show now that he knew this wasn't what upset his brother.

"I won't be allowed to go tomorrow. Not after that." he said softly, his voice raspy from the assault it had just taken. He curled up in his brother's arms, trying to find any sort of comfort he could in his embrace.

Raph looked to their leader. His eyes expressing his concern but also his compassion for him. Donnie wanted to go, more then any of them had. Since he was so small all he spoke of was seeing the stars and the moon. To put his feet in the ocean and to feel the warm air on his skin. To smell the pizza shops that made pizza he only had the pleasure of ever tasting three times in his life. It was a simple request but so harmful to his health. Hell living in a sewer was not the best for him but they could do nothing more then what they could for him. "Leo..."

The eldest saw the look from the youngest as well. A pleading look that begged for him to consent to letting Donnie join them as they had promised him he would over two months ago. They believed in him, they were soft when it came to their purple brother. That was why he had to be the rock, the brick wall that could not bend. Yet, here and now he held his brother in his arms hoping to accomplish something, anything that would make him smile longer then a few seconds. Donnie deserved happiness too and the simplest of things made him so happy. Like his first taste of pizza, a day that he knew they would all remember. "Who even said you weren't going?" he asked a small smile on his face hoping that he was not making a mistake.

The sick turtle looked up at him, tears in the corner of his eyes. He was trying to see if this was some kind of joke, but he found no evidence of it on his brother's face. Only the warm smile he always held for him. "Arigatou gozaimasu!" he cried as he hugged his brother tightly and with enough force to knock them over. He could hear the others laughing but he didn't care. "Arigatou Aniki-san!" he couldn't wait until tomorrow.

**A/N**

**Been thinking of publishing this for sometime. I always imagined Donnie being sicker then his brothers and much weaker physically. He will tend to push himself hard in this fic. **

**Donnie is in for a tough time, I mean worse then my other fiction. This is M rated for many reasons. So please be advised that this is not a fluff fic though it will be filled with it. It deals heavily with depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, non-con, dub-con, hate, anger, rage, as well as brotherly love, kindness, sacrifice for the ones you love, unrequited love, and loss. Difficult decisions as well as a depth into emotions. **

_Bonus _

_ Donnie stood there in his room looking at the torn and stained poster of a star lit sky over a city that he could not make out. They shown so brightly in the sky, twinkling like the lights on his computer. Mikey had described them as being so beautiful you'd stand there with your mouth open and not know it. That there was no end to them and the sheer number was amazing to begin with. He wanted so much to see them for real, to see them just as his brother had described to him. Nothing would make his life seem so worth while. He moved to his desk and pulled out his journal. _

_ Tomorrow! Can you believe it? Tomorrow I will see the world beyond these stone walls that I have lived in. Tomorrow I will finally see the stars for the first time with my own eyes. My brothers will be there with me, it will be perfect, just like i have always dreamed it would be. Tomorrow...tomorrow..._


End file.
